well i haven’t posted for a few days, no excuses i was just being lazy, well that and migraines but I wouldn’t let a minor (read major) annoyance stop me from posting would i?
Been thinking a lot about life and death the last few days, don’t know why. Its just something that i think of every now and then. last week i talked about my grandfather with my mum and it brought back a flood of memories about him, and other people who i lost in the last few years.
One of the hardest things in life is not being able to attend the funeral of a friend. sadly i have not been able to attend any of the funerals of the people whom i love in the past. last year was rough for me, allot of you know that. but one of the things that made it hard was the loss of two good friends and one good uncle 
I never really had a chance to lay them to rest, nor to properly mourn them, I felt at the time that i had to shove all the feelings of saddness down deep into my soul so that no one would know. All i succeeded in doing was making a big problem for myself.
So here i am now, finally saying my goodbyes to these people whom I loved and did not get a chance to say goodbye to.
Jim was a good friend he had many problems but I can;t ever recall him ever being too down about it. He accepted what he had to deal with, and he was a good friend. I did not get too see him as much as i wanted to, but every time that I did I loved it. we would talk for hours about this book or that book, he would lend me some books i would lend him some. there was a real friendship built there, I know that i counted him among my closest friends. One of the saddest days was the day i found out that he had died. I felt like i had been hit with a sldgehammer. this feeling was brought back when James Rigney died in septemeber of last year (better known as Robert Jordan the author) for it was over his books that we spent most of the time discussing, I rememebr being very sad that i would not get a chnace to talk with him about the final book in the series. So to all of you that knew Jim I hope that you keep hold of your fond memories of him, never let them go, for they are his lingering presence in this world.
Duane my uncle, a strange fellow. Someone who would always be ready with his own brand of humour, always ready to make you groan and say that was bad. We shared a love of the written word and every now and then he would brign a book over to me as I sat in their house and say, “read this” and read it I would, some was bad, some was funny, some was amazing petry that made you want to weep with the beauty of it. But its his encouragble smile that i will remember the best, when he knew that he had gotten you. Your were well loved and we miss you very much, but we look foward to seeing you in heaven someday.
John Though i didn’t know you that well i counted you as a friend, from the first time you saw shrek and stated after seeing it “that’s me” to the fact that my dog both loved and hated you I will remember you and again will see you in heaven. Those of you who are not, all i can say is please keep your heart open to the possibility that their is a God in heaven who loves you very much and wants to have a relationship with you.
Peace and love to you all
Ben
but only if you ask nicely*